Why being a 'Ho Ho Ho' is exactly what this Hotwife wants for Christmas...

"25 years into my sex life, I'm having the best sex I've ever had - and most of it with my husband!"

Last Christmas… ahh it seems so long ago.

This time last year, my husband J and I had agreed to give the subject of ENM and Hotwifing a festive break - and, to be honest, I was relieved to know it was something we wouldn’t need to think about for a few weeks.

We’d been toying with the idea throughout most of 2023, had been backwards and forwards on it more times than I could count, and I still wasn’t at all sure how I really felt about it, outside of the realm of fantasy. Despite all the talking and playing (and, yes, there were some seriously hot fantasies in that time…) it was hard to picture us actually going through with it - opening up our sex life. As a 40-year-old working mum living in a small town in the north of England, my mind was still quite entrenched in that ‘traditional marriage’ mindset, and it was proving hard to shake off. I didn't want to be a 'swinger,' was uncomfortable with the idea of owning my inner 'slut,' and was struggling to align years of societal influence and normative thinking with new ideas and desires.

So we decided to pause. We turned off the apps, closed down the conversations, and threw ourselves merrily into a world of carolling and elves, planning extravagant turkey dinners, getting dolled up for festive parties, and sipping hot chocolate by the fire with the kids. It was blissful.

One year on, remembering vividly how happy I was to put in a pin in the ENM-din for a while, it’s really hard to believe just how far we’ve come.

2024 has been a great year for us. So what have been the stand out moments?

Mmmm....my first kiss with another man was exciting; his tongue in my mouth, his hands on my waist pulling me into him, my husband's gaze on us from the other side of the table. The first time I got naked with another guy was erotic as hell; his whisperings in that sexy Irish lilt of his as he pinned me to the bed, my legs wrapped around his waist, and slid his cock slowly and deeply inside me, watching my face as he filled me up. Have you ever had an Irish guy whisper "good girl..." appreciatively into your ear as you're cumming on his cock? Ohhh I have. And, yes, it's every bit as good as it sounds. My first solo Hotwife drinks the following month with a guy I met in London felt like a first date, with all the butterflies and horniness that went along with it. When he pressed me against the wall of the lift and kissed me as we headed up to the hotel room, I couldn't wait to climb on top of him... which I did a few minutes later. That was a sexy night. Watching J fuck another woman while her husband made me cum on his lap was almost too erotic for words. That room....the sounds...the sights... I'll say it again - 2024 has been a great year for us.

As regular readers of this blog will know, in the past 12 months we’ve attended sex parties, workshops, and socials, and become totally embroiled in this community - meeting fabulous people, and having our eyes well and truly opened to everything this incredible lifestyle has to offer. We’ve had red-hot experiences with Hotwifing, Stag/Vixen, and couple swaps, and completely reinvented our sex life. In rewriting our rules for our marriage together, we’ve also connected with one another more deeply than I could have imagined.

When I look back on the me of Christmas 2023, I no longer recognise my frame of mind, or relate to any of the fears and trepidations I felt. The things that once scared me are now exhilarating, and I’ve learned to proudly own and embrace my sexual desires. 25 years into my sex life, I'm having the best sex I've ever had - and most of it with my husband! I'm also the most comfortable I've ever been in my own skin.

I’ve spoken with a lot of readers in the last few months, many of whom are where we were last Christmas, in that same 'should we/shouldn't we' limbo, so as you head into what I hope will be your breakthrough year, I want to share with you my biggest revelations of 2024:

It’s as good as I hoped it would be

When we talked about it, I often wondered if the reality was ever going to be able to live up to the fantasy. In our experience, it’s been even better. Even hotter, even sexier, more fun, more connected. Just more.

Everything turned a corner for us when we found someone who was a good fit, and I’m grateful we took the time to do it properly, rather than jumping into a lukewarm experience. The turning point was meeting up in person, and seeing for ourselves how it felt to meet, spend time with, flirt with, and kiss somebody else. That’s the test you just don’t get from chatting online, and what pushed things over the edge for us.

There are some absolutely brilliant, respectful, and sexy people in this lifestyle. My one regret is that we didn't do it years earlier.

Sex doesn’t exist in a box

Sex was always the thing that was separate to the rest of our life; the thing we did in private, at the end of the day when everything pressing that had to be done was done, if and when we had enough energy left. For a long time, it wasn't a priority, and I don't think that's so unusual for many couples who've been together a long time, particularly when you have children.

I don’t feel that way anymore. Throughout all of this, sex has taken its rightful place in the centre of our relationship, and we’re more loved-up, more affectionate, and much happier for it. I also feel sexier than I ever have. There’s nothing like introducing the thrill of flirting and dating into the love and security of your marriage to make every day feel exciting and filled with potential.

It’s improved our relationship

In choosing to go down this path, we had to commit to serious communication and complete honesty. We’ve both worked through things that we didn’t even realise had been holding us back, and we really are all the stronger for it.

ENM isn’t something you pursue because you’re unhappy with each other. Far from it. ENM is something you can only successfully pursue if you’re rock solid together, or willing to work very hard to get there. I'm delighted with where we've come to as a couple.

It’s EVERYwhere.

Gone is the notion that there are ‘people who do this.’ We’ve met singles and couples of every age, every size and shape, working in every job, and living in every part of the country. Some have young kids, some have fully grown kids. Some wear their ENM status proudly and with the full knowledge of those closest to them, while others keep it as their cheeky secret. There’s no ‘one size fits all,’ no set of rules and boundaries that works for everyone, and no set list of kinks and desires. Anything and everything goes, as long as you respect those you’re involved with.

I’d never advise people to go down the ENM avenue. In the end, it’s a deeply personal decision that can only be made by the two people that matter the most in your marriage. And is it right for everyone? Of course not; nothing is. But, if you’re curious (and if you're reading this, I have to think you are curious to some degree), prepared to be completely honest with each other, embrace communication like never before, and put in the effort together, it has the potential to be one of the best things you’ve ever done.

So this year, as I reflect on everything the last 12 months has brought us, I’m raising a glass to all the ENM newbies out there who are on the cusp of taking the leap, and to all the fun and connection that I hope 2025 brings for them.

With less than a week to go until Christmas, J and I are deep in the festive family spirit… but unlike last year, we're already super excited about our first ENM adventures of the new year! This year, I couldn’t be more delighted to know that Santa will be placing a big dose of sexual fun and freedom in my stocking, to keep me happy all 2025 long - and don't worry, I’ll keep you all in the loop!

See you next year,

- The Secret Hotwife