"What I love about being the husband of a Hotwife..."

"It’s so fucking hot when we’re having sex and I can feel you, and you’re riding me, but I just couldn’t get away from this idea of what it would be like to step back and watch you, from every angle, to be free to just enjoy your face, your body, your pleasure..."

Mark’s tongue was in my mouth. It was a slow kiss; intense, and filled with the erotic promise of everything we knew was coming. The long fingers of his hand caressed my thigh as we kissed, fingering where the top of my stocking met bare flesh. I was curled up on his knee wearing only a sheer body, and for whatever reason, the fact he was still fully dressed - in trousers and a crisp white shirt - made the whole thing even sexier. I couldn’t wait to peel off his shirt, to get my hands on his skin, but neither one of us was rushing. There’d been a lot of build-up to this night and we were taking our time.

As Mark lowered his head and took my nipple in his mouth for the first time, my head rocked back and I moaned with utter pleasure. My hand grasped the back of his neck as his tongue slid across me, my nipple hardening in response. I could feel it growing in his mouth as his teeth grazed and teased me. I could feel the strain of his erection through his trousers as I ran my fingers through his hair. This felt even better than I’d imagined it would. And the most thrilling part? We had an audience. Pleasure flooding through me, I looked straight across to the chair where J, my gorgeous husband, was sitting, his phone in one hand, filming us both, as he nursed a glass of bourbon in the other. His eyes met mine, and he smiled.

“Ohh I remember that night very well…” J confirms, a cheeky grin on his face.

“I also remember right before that, while you were in the bathroom changing into lingerie, Mark and I sitting in those chairs doing our best to make…it wasn’t even small talk, it was miniature talk!”

We’d met Mark a couple of times before that and all got on really well, conversation had never been a problem, but there was, J says, an awareness on both of their parts, by the time they found themselves sitting in those chairs, that they needed to fill that space and keep the conversation going.

“There was a definite want for no silences,” J laughs.

“No silences between two men sitting in a hotel room; one of them there to watch his wife being fucked for the first time, and the other there to fuck someone else’s wife in front of him. We just kept talking about the bloody whisky! Then I remember you coming out of the bathroom in that lingerie and you were wearing this confidence, like embodying confidence, and coming and sitting on the bed in front of us both. You crossed your legs, leaned back on your arms, and I just thought ‘holy fucking shit…’ It was like, all the build-up, all the conversations we’d had, the disagreements, the fantasies, all the times we’d decided we didn’t know if we were actually going to do this, and then kept coming back to it, unwilling to leave it alone, it all just kind of melted away…”

Had he thought a lot about what that moment would feel like, I ask? I see him roll the question around in his head, nodding slowly.

“You tend to think about these things when you’re horny,” he says.

“When you’re horny, the ideal scenario plays out in your head, and you’re thinking about how it will look, how it will feel. It’s so fucking hot when we’re having sex and I can feel you, and you’re riding me, but I just couldn’t get away from this idea of what it would be like to step back and watch you, from every angle, to be free to just enjoy your face, your body, your pleasure.”

And J remembers clearly where the spark of the fantasy first came from for him. It was a friend of his, who has known both of us for years, even before we got together, teasing J about an ex of mine.

“This one night he was trying to be a real tosser, and kept telling me that he’d heard this particular ex of yours had a massive dick," he laughs.

"He was winding me up, going on about much he bet you loved it. In the weeks that followed I found myself thinking about that conversation more and more, and it was strange because it wasn’t jealousy I was feeling, which surprised me. Instead, I found myself thinking ‘So what? good for her,’ and then thinking about how much I’d like to see you enjoying that, and at first I didn’t really know what to do with that, but it definitely planted a seed for everything that came.

“By the time we were in that hotel room with Mark, it had spent two years as a fantasy between us, I had no idea how the reality of it would feel, until that night, sitting there watching you both... and it was hot as fuck.

“We’d done so much to make it to that point, had so many honest and open conversations - positive and negative - and we’d definitely put in the work, which meant that by that night, we could just let go and enjoy ourselves. I was geared up, and obviously it’s a big thing watching another man fuck your wife for the first time, but the moment your head fell back while his mouth was on you, my compersion completely kicked in and any worry just disappeared. It was so incredibly hot to watch you enjoying yourself like that. The closest thing I can compare it to is skydiving. You’re nervous when you decide to do it, when you’re driving to the airfield, when you’re getting geared up, when you’re climbing in the plane, thinking ”Really? Are we sure we want to do this?!” and then suddenly you’re off the plane and falling through the air thinking ‘fuck me this is incredible!’ It was the most overwhelmingly positive experience. I just wish we’d done it years earlier.”

J spent most of that first stag/vixen experience alternating between sitting and watching, which was incredibly erotic for me, and walking around filming on his phone.

“We’d locked in consent for filming before the night so we were all on the same page with that, and I really wanted to capture as much as I could,” he explains.

“I knew us watching it back together would be such a turn-on, and so we did have some cameras set up around the room, but we’ve both agreed since then that the best videos we have from that night are the ones from my phone, because I could move and respond to what you guys were doing, be right in the action, and they’re sexy as fuck to look back on now.”

So were there any moments of jealousy at all for him?

“Zero jealousy,” he responds firmly.

"I knew you fancied this guy, and I watched as he made you cum multiple times that night, but luckily I never felt anything like jealousy. What I definitely did feel was that need to ‘take you back’ after he was gone; that famous ‘reclaim sex.’ It was like wanting to remind you that: this is home.

“In the days after, I did have questions which we talked about: did his dick make you feel things differently? Did he do anything to you that you really liked, that you want me to do? I think most husbands who do this with their wives really appreciate honesty about how things feel because we just want to keep pushing the ceiling higher. You and I have learned that saying a third did something that felt better doesn’t reduce anything your husband or wife does, it just pushes that ceiling a little higher and keeps us on our toes and working harder to pleasure each other. But no, no negatives at all, and no jealousy. I genuinely haven’t felt jealous in so long, which is quite amazing when you consider everything we’ve done in the past year!

“Having a strong first experience like we had, with respect on all sides, and walking away from that feeling strong, feeling good, feeling excited about the next experience…. we couldn’t have asked for more.”

To mark hitting the first 1,000 followers on Instagram this week, and to celebrate Valentine’s Day, it seemed appropriate to shine a light on J in this week’s blog, sharing his perspective as the husband of a Hotwife. We’ve had plenty of messages in the past few months from people - mostly men - asking for J’s thoughts on things. Many of these men are interested in the lifestyle themselves, but aren’t sure how their partner, or themselves, would deal with the reality. J always takes the time to respond, because he remembers all too well how it felt to be on the other side of this.

I've collected a handful of those questions together, and pull a few up on my phone now. One question we received just two days ago reads: ‘From your perspective what has this done for you as an individual and for your relationship together?’

“It’s enhanced everything - our intimacy, our communication, our sex life,” says J.

“Even though I’ve always trusted my wife, and our relationship is really good, there was still this tiny part of me that thought, ‘Shit what if someday she meets someone who’s really handsome, built like a brick shit-house, with a massive cock, and suddenly she’s gone?’ Obviously it wasn’t that specific, but I think even the most trusting people in the world have that tiny bit of ‘what if?’ in the back of their minds. And what’s strange is that opening ourselves up sexually to other people has actually removed that completely. There’s a reframing that has occurred in my head; where once the idea of you with someone else was ‘Shit, what if?’ it’s now: ‘Mmm…what if…?’

“I feel like we’ve separated love and sex, and that’s elevated our sex life. It’s also made us closer, because there are absolutely no limits now to what we can share and talk about. There are no secrets between us; we have all the intimacy and love and connection of a married couple sharing a life and a family, but we can also talk to each other about people we fancy or find attractive. In being able to communicate everything, it makes you more united as a team; you’re always in each other’s corner. It definitely adds an extra element because you’re the only other person in each other’s life that really gets what we’re doing and what it’s like being in the middle of it. And we work hard to make sure the other knows that they are our priority in this, always.

“So, what has it done for us? It’s burned down any bridges we had that were fragile, and rebuilt new stronger ones. And for me individually, it’s been the nail in the coffin of jealousy.”

Okay, next question: ‘Solo dates, or voyeur?’ I have a feeling J will lean towards solo, given that this is our current hot fantasy.

“Solo dates are a hot thought right now,” he agrees with a smile.

“Solo shows me that my wife is expressing her sexual freedom. She’s finding somebody attractive and wants to fuck them, just for her, and it’s not about a performance for me, and so that’s a huge turn-on.

“However, I am definitely a voyeur, and I’ve no doubt that once the solo date itch has been scratched a couple of times, stag/vixen will have equal appeal again.’

Great answer, and I wholeheartedly agree. Next: ‘‘What is it that gives you pleasure in this lifestyle?’

“I'm a compersionist, so my wife's pleasure,” is his easy reply.

“In the same way that if somebody you love gets a great new job, or the chance to travel somewhere amazing, you’re happy for them, that’s the same way I feel about any positive experience my wife gets to have. It’s the same feeling vanilla couples have for each other about anything positive happening to their partners - that doesn't directly benefit them - but for spicy couples, that includes sexual experiences.”

Time for one last question: ‘How do you feel emotionally and physically when you know your wife’s on a solo date?’

“The very first time you went on a solo date, I was there for all the build-up," J recalls.

"I watched you get ready, shared in the anticipation, walked you to the bar where you were meeting the guy, kissed you at the door and left.

“After that,” he admits with a laugh. “I was a bit of a nervous wreck and didn’t know what to do with myself! I took myself off to a bar where I know some people for a drink and tried to distract myself for a bit, but my eyes were constantly on my phone. So yeah, that first time, I was a bit edgy, but it wasn’t a negative edgy. It was anticipatory, and it did make me horny to think of you off on your own doing what felt good for you. Later, the plan was for me to meet you guys in the hotel room, but we obviously had cameras set up and I ended up staying down in the hotel bar for quite a while watching a livestream on my phone of you guys fucking. That was so hot, sitting in public, hearing the noises you were making, watching you ride that guy like a phenom, and knowing all the time that I could go upstairs whenever I wanted and see it for myself, and even join in, that was so hot. I couldn’t wait for my turn…”

I hope the Husband perspective has been an interesting one! If you have more questions for J, follow him on Instagram, or reach out in the comments. Have a great Valentine's Day guys, whatever your plans (if they're hot, I want to hear them...) and see you all next week!

- The Secret Hotwife