Real-life vs Fantasy - when you have the freedom to act out your fantasies, where's the line in ENM..?

He gasps with pleasure as I lower myself onto him, his hands on my hips, pulling me deeper as he feels the warmth and wetness finally envelop him. My head drops back, lost in the intense physical pleasure of the moment as he fills me up, finally, his cock reaching the parts of me that have been aching for him all evening.

Our eyes find each other then and, my hands on his chest, I begin to ride him, slowly, feeling the exquisite erotic swell of him inside me with every movement. His hands reach for my breasts, cupping the weight of them, his thumbs brushing my nipples until he’s rewarded with a groan. I’m so turned on I can feel the bulge of my clit rubbing against his taut stomach as I ride.

He’s so hard; I knew he would be, after so much teasing and build-up. I haven’t been able to think about anything else but this moment all day. I know he hasn’t either. It was worth the wait.

His lips are parted as his eyes travel down my body, drinking in every inch of me, watching the place where I take him in. I see a flash of something cross his face then and his hands go back to my hips, guiding me off him. He turns and repositions himself behind me, pressing my chest down to the bed. God, yes, this is what I want. My back arches and I raise to meet him. I want him inside me again, I need to feel him. I moan impatiently. I feel one large hand firmly press down on my lower back, just above my ass, holding me in place as his cock teases me. With the other hand, I see him reach for his phone, and I hear the familiar tone of a video start recording.

“Hold on,” he whispers, his voice low and husky, his hand sliding down to my ass, parting me for him.

“Your husband is going to want to see this…”

Yup. This is the fantasy that’s currently getting me hot.

We’ve been talking about solo Hotwifing a lot lately, so I suppose it makes sense it’s the thing that is dominating my sexy musings. We’ve dabbled in solo Hotwifing before but have never gone the whole hog - me alone all evening with a sexy guy who’s filming videos of us as we fuck, and sending them back to my husband. It's a HOT idea.

I’ve been thinking a lot about fantasies this week. It’s funny, because at one time in our marriage (pre-lifestyle) it felt very clear to me what was fantasy and what was reality. But now? The lines are much more blurred. More and more these days, when J and I talk about our fantasies, they feel more like an expression of what turns us on and, therefore, what else we'd like to explore. There are very few things we feel we couldn't test the waters with, and see how much we could bring to life.

In short, these days our fantasies feel more like plans we simply haven’t actioned yet.

I do have fantasies that fall more into the ‘fantasy realm,’ of course. For instance, the one where I’m a medieval queen married to some oppressive older king, being satisfied nightly by the knights assigned to guard my room. I fantasise about them posted around the room, watching, taking it in turns with me, a competitive edge to see which of them can make me cum faster, harder. I’m indifferent to them; they’re all gorgeous, all with amazing, hard bodies, so I don’t care which of them does the job, as long as they do it well. I imagine a knock at the door and a whisper that the king’s guards are on their way for me, to take me to his bedchamber, so I instruct my guards that they have just a few seconds left to make me cum - a challenge they rise to with vigour.

In other scenarios, we’re discovered, and as ‘punishment’ the king brings me to his bedchamber, where all his knights stand and watch as he tells my guard to fuck me again, right there in front of them all; an attempt to humiliate me… which backfires spectacularly when as he screws me deeply and erotically, making me cum hard in front of them all. I imagine all of their cocks hardening as they watch.

It’s strange the things that get us off, isn’t it? Who can explain where they come from, or why they work? Since J and I embarked on our lifestyle journey, it’s opened up my sexual expression, and I find it so much easier now to talk about sex (obviously), about the things that turn me on, and about what I want. And given the trust that exists between us, the shared eroticism of what we’re doing, and the respectful community we’re playing in, our first six months has seen us tick off things that previously I would have been certain only existed for us in the fantasy realm - having sex with a man in front of my husband, seeing my husband have sex with a beautiful woman, watching and being watched together in the playrooms at sex parties, threesomes, couple swaps.

I sometimes try to imagine what the ‘me’ of two years ago would say if she knew everything we’ve done. I think her head would explode.

The truth is that being in this community, surrounded by so much sexual liberation, makes it much easier to consider the things we want, the things that excite us, and - crucially - what we can do about it. Which begs the question, do people in the lifestyle still have fantasies that they know will remain fantasies, or once you establish the kind of trust between you that enables sexual freedom, is it easier to start making any fantasies a reality?

Does your fantasy/reality barometer simply slide further along the scale… or does the scale cease to exist?

Because at the root of most fantasies are the same kinds of desires - to watch, to be watched, to be controlled, to assert dominance, to be shared, to be punished. Even in the medieval queen fantasy, the ‘fantasy’ part is the storyline. In this community, it wouldn’t be impossible to organise having men lined up watching as I take turns with them, and that’s a very freeing thought.

“I’ve had this dream so many times,” one married friend, who is just getting started in the lifestyle, confessed to me recently.

“It always starts with a group of six couples at a party. Everyone’s chatting, drinking, flirting a little, and there’s this playful energy in the air, like something unspoken but understood by everyone.

“At some point, someone suggests playing a game. The women are all blindfolded, mostly undressed, and led into separate dark rooms. Then the men draw numbers from a bowl to match with one of us. Once in those rooms, no talking is allowed, just touch and connection. It’s between the two involved how far it goes.

“The wild part for me isn’t even what happens in the rooms. It’s the way the dream plays with the not knowing. When it’s over, everyone comes back to the party like nothing happened, but the energy is so charged. You catch yourself trying to piece together who you were with through glances, body language, the smallest smiles.

“What excites me is the freedom of exploring without guilt, and the mystery - and the orgasms in my sleep are amazing!”

Okay, so to many women out there, this fantasy would likely remain a secret pleasure, the thoughts of it enjoyed alone in bed with a vibrator. But in this lifestyle? I’m pretty sure the fantasy my friend describes here would make a fun warm–up game at a house party! I have my fingers crossed that she gets to explore this very thing in real life - and soon.

A male lifestyle friend of ours confessed two fantasies of his to me this week, both of which I’ve no doubt he will also have played out in reality before the year is up.

“I love the idea of walking into a sex club with my wife on one arm and a Hotwife on the other,” he said, a small smile on his face.

“Anticipating what’s to come, that unrivalled high of fucking two women at the same time, particularly if they’re not overly interested in one another. Oh and that buzz of having so many people watching on…”

His other fantasy, he revealed, is an orgy where he can sit back and watch as his wife is pleasured by multiple men.

“It’s very much about a voyeur viewpoint,” he said.

“A mass of bodies, all enjoying one another, but my focus on her and seeing her enjoyment with attention on her from so many men, all wanting to fuck, and me enjoying the view as she takes cock-after-cock…”

A common fantasy amongst those I talked to centres around a time and space carved out to enjoy themselves and explore with like-minded and gorgeous people. Many talked about a weekend away in a secluded house or a villa; a private play party spent relaxing and drinking wine with good looking and respectful couples where the vibe is all about open play, exploration, and making everyone’s desires a reality.

“I love the liberating abandon when you’ve got a tangle of people who are all enjoying each other and having hot, sweaty, naked fun,” another male lifestyle friend shared with J and I last night, as we chatted to him and his wife.

“That being said, I do still think there exists a barrier between fantasy and reality.”

I ask him to expand, and his response is thoughtful.

“This lifestyle allows you to test the boundaries and push the envelope on all kinds of fantasies, but I believe there is a danger that you could stress-test to fracture.”

An example for him, he says, is the fantasy of Hotwifing. He and his wife have had an amazingly sexy time exploring couple swaps and group scenarios but, he says, despite finding the idea of Hotwifing sexy, he can’t imagine wanting to play it out in real life.

“It does turn me on,” he confessed.

“That desire to show her off, the pride I feel in other people finding her sexy, what a turn-on it is to see her deriving pleasure from other men, and even the bittersweet pang of erotic jealousy when someone else touches her, knowing she’s exploring her own sexuality.

“That being said, I know that the turn-on I would get from her disappearing off on a date with someone else when I wasn’t there would be entirely counterbalanced with a whole load of other stuff that would negate it.”

And I get that, it’s the thing J and I are always mindful of with every experience - new, or seasoned - that we have. It’s why communication is so key in this lifestyle. It’s like adding salt while you’re cooking. It’s important to stop and taste regularly to make sure the dish is still good. You can always add more, but you can’t take it away.

That being said, the more we explore, the more solid we feel, and it’s getting harder for us to imagine inadvertently over-salting the dish - to keep the analogy going - because as long as we go into a scenario with our eyes open, boundaries agreed ahead of time, even if we play something out and decide it’s better as a fantasy than in reality, it feels like something we could take in our stride.

J agrees: “We definitely know our current limits - current being the operative word, as they’ve changed so much in the past year," he said.

"At one time, solo Hotwife would have been a big no - fantasy only. Now here we are making plans to do that very thing. And I think that's the point, more and more now it feels like we could tackle anything, and the worst that would come from it is a conversation about what worked and what didn’t.”

Our male friend agrees with this too: “Absolutely, it’s good to lean into new experiences and have the courage to try new things, while also having the magnanimity to admit when it wasn’t quite right without blame or friction."

In other words, if you try something and it doesn’t work out in reality…don’t be a dick about it!

I'd love to know more about all of your fantasies, and how - if at all - you think they're different for those in the lifestyle as opposed to those out of it, so don't be shy, let me know in the comments what really gets you going...

See you next week,

- The Secret Hotwife